Script: The Unlikely, yet Super Accurate Connection Between Super Mario Bro’s: Wii and the Phosphorus cycle.
INT. LIBRARY STUDY ROOM
JOL:
The phosphorus cycle. Soil, erosion, plant intake. How is one ever expected to memorize such a cycle?
OLIVIA:
We are here to teach you exactly how to memorize such a thing. Connect it to something all teenagers know and love… Mario. That would be cool.
STAND AND LOOK AT THE CAMERA WHILE TEXT THAT SAYS “CONNECTING THE PHOSPHORUS CYCLE TO THE TRANSFER OF MARIO CURRENCY”
JOL:
Please note, this video is specifically discussing Super Mario Brothers for the Wii U seeing as it is the only Mario game I have thoroughly played. However, it should be very unsurprising to you all that the phosphorus cycle is perfectly recreated within the mario universe. Of course it is, their universe functions exactly. like. our. own.
OLIVIA:
First we must assign phosphorous to a physical entity of Mario.
OLIVIA SLAPS BIG COIN CUTOUT ON TO BOARD
OLIVIA:
Coins make the most logical sense, seeing as phosphorus tends to collect and originate in the soil, as coins are most often found in blocks within levels.
JOL:
Phosphorous is transported by the runoff and erosion of rocks that then collects the soil.
JOL SLAPS RUNOFF AND EROSION ONTO BOARD
JOL:
For all intents and purposes, we are going to assume the collection of coins in rocks is not naturally occuring, because that is terrifying and say that this little guy does it.
OLIVIA SLAPS KAMEK NEXT TO RUNOFF AND EROSION
OLIVIA:
Because why wouldn’t he? Who knows what that guys is up to.
ZOOM
Look at him!
ZOOM
you trust him?
CUT BACK TO OLIVIA’S FACE
I don't!
JOL:
Exactly. Kamek, the wizard guy, takes the coins out of their rock homes in the process of erosion in order to place them in the soil so the flow of Phosphorous can continue.
OLIVIA:
Now that Kamek is out of the equation, we have several flows that occur. Remember how in Mario you could shake your wii remote and flowers would spin and coins would fall out? We’ll come back to that, but first we must examine how those coins got there.
OLIVIA SLAPS PLANT INTAKE AND MINERALIZATION UP TOGETHER
OLIVIA:
Phosphorus is absorbed by plants through their roots but not before bacteria turns it into a usable substance through the process of mineralization. This intake helps with cell development and the storage of energy within plants.
JOL:
Now we have coins in the plants, but why does that matter? Because Mario can salvage them! Olivia told you we’d come back to this.
JOL SLAPS CROP CONSUMPTION UP
JOL:
So you’ve shaken your Wii remote on accident because your sibling was trying to take their turn early and you accidentally gained some coins. Congratulations! You have just participated in crop consumption. This is the transfer of Phosphorus to other species, in this case Mario.
OLIVIA:
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Olivia, that’s not how I get a majority of my coins in Mario. You’re overlooking the biggest part!” Oh yeah? Am I? Check it
OLIVIA SLAPS MINING ON
OLIVIA:
Mining. You’d think that hitting your head on platforms wouldn’t generate revenue but here we are. Humans do a lot of mining for phosphorus because we have a craving for that sweet, sweet fertilizer! Just as Mario seems to be collecting his earnings for the unforeseeable future, we utilize this fertilizer for our own soil. We’ll come back to the ramifications of this in a second. For one moment though I’d like to just say, why does Mario need money? You can’t buy anything in this society. Toad gives you all the powerups for games and favors you do! Is Mario just greedy? I’m so-
JOL:
Anyways, so now Mario has this phosphorus element in his system. He’s running through the level, maintaining his energy levels and cell growth but oh no! He’s killed by a koopa troopa and it’s game over! All of the coins he had gained from the soil and plants thus far, are recycled back into the earth by…
JOL SLAPS DECOMPOSITION UP
JOL:
Bacteria once again plays a role in the decomposition of phosphorus so that it is able to return to the soil and begin the process again.
OLIVIA:
Something is missing here… I feel like we forgot an aspect…’
JOL AND OLIVIA LOOK AT EACH OTHER DRAMATICALLY
JOL & OLIVIA:
The water levels...
OLIVIA:
Okay, so water run off
OLIVIA SLAPS WATER RUN OFF ON FRANTICALLY
OLIVIA:
On our earth, fertilizer from farms and phosphorus in our soil has a tendency to run off into streams of water. This can be detrimental to our aquatic biomes if there is an excess of phosphorus within the biome. Oh my god… The fish! When you hit them with anything they…
JOL:
They drop coins… Oh my god. We were going to joke about how only humans have interference with the cycle and how there’s no comparison with Mario but… Of course there’s coin run off. How else would Mario earn money through the water levels.
OLIVIA:
When humans transport and utilize large amounts of fertilizer, more and more runoff accumulates within water sources. The overaccess of phosphorus can accelerate eutrophication, the excessive growth of algae. Or in Mario’s case, the collection of coins within the fauna and soil of the water levels.
JOL:
And to what effect? Mario doesn’t even need these coins! To some extent aquatic biomes need phosphorus but Mario has no valuable use for this money. He isn’t paying rent I assume. This is why we must conclude that Mario is inherently greedy and developed an entire world that grants him the satisfaction of coin searching. He has taken Kamek’s abilities too far and now the aquatic biomes are paying the price for it.
OLIVIA:
However criminal these offenses may be, at least his penny grabbing is useful to illustrating the Phosphorus cycle. To recap, we discussed how Phosphorus is implemented into the soil by Runoff and erosion, represented by Kamek, the shifty, wizard.
JOL:
We then examined Plant intake and mineralization as how the flowers in mario come to hold coins. Bacteria breaks phosphorus into a usable material that is then absorbed into the roots.
OLIVIA:
Which Mario can then stumble upon to when your brother will not stop trying to take the remote, “No, Ian, you can’t have a turn my JOL5 minutes isn’t up!”
JOL:
This represents crop consumption and how animals intake phosphorus to aid with cell growth and energy storage.
OLIVIA:
After crop consumption, we looked at mining and how Mario is greedy for attempting to collect as many coins as he does. I would have to say that human’s efforts to mine and utilize phosphorus is going swimmingly ... and NOT fishing for trouble! In all seriousness, the removal of phosphorus leads to the production of fertilizer and human’s impact on this cycle.
JOL:
And lastly, what begins must end.
MUSIC STARTS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND
JOL:
Death. It happens to us all. Even mario must lose his earnings. When we die, our body is decomposed back into the soil and our phosphorus is reused. Just as when coins regenerate in levels.
OLIVIA:
And there you have it, how to effectively connect the Phosphorus cycle to our most beloved video game But at what cost? How many game over’s must we suffer through to complete this cycle so often.
JOL:
Many, but with the way Mario’s tendencies have been shown in these past few minutes. I think we can all agree…
JOL & OLIVIA:
Mario is a greedy capitalist
